bloggity blog, poetry

moves me to words

Why have I suddenly found this so difficult
Doing the thing I think I do best
Doing the thing I feel is my calling
My soul’s purpose

Not writer’s block
But soul block
Not the lack of things to say
Not a lack of words to use
But a lack of desire
To beat the dead horse I have been thrashing

I write that which makes me feel strongly
I write about that which moves me to words
To paint a picture with only 26 colours
Mixed and remixed to create new

But I have painted words about him
And I do not wish to do so anymore
Ugly words
Pain and blood and anger
That black/yellow of bruises
Eggshell and claret and bourbon brown

I have painted words for you
There is not enough poetry in the world to express my feelings for you
And I don’t know if you want never ending poetry
Black and purple, the colours of love
Lavender and violet and mauve
Minty, seafoam blue, blueberry oyster grey like ocean, like river
Pickle, emerald, olive green like forest and life

I have painted about me…
Bug girl
Villain girl
Awkward girl
Made of hope and tentacles and exoskeletons shimmering
Charcoal, ink blot black ebony like shadows
Iridescent like wings
White like the mocking blank page

I have painted nonsense
Of magenta lemon ducks and coffee rollerskate cows and sapphire ice king magicians and … and …

The old me would have said “love” then.
But I no longer believe love to be nonsense
No longer is love a bedtime story, a cautionary tale
No longer does love go one way
No longer is it like plucking feathers

I have family
I have safety
I have a future, bright
I have a past, survived
I have a present, gifted
So…
Why can’t I just write? Paint with the words you love to get on your hands?

Errr… Amberley… you are…

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8 thoughts on “moves me to words”

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