bloggity blog, poetry

my fears plucked

Him
Biting off more than he could chew
Porcelain teeth cut through my soft flesh
Spat out my pieces
The bits he found so distasteful
Am I so distasteful?
Displeasing disposable
This taste, full heart

The window in my new room
In my new home
Is wide open now
Negative temperature air
Floating through my window
Kissing my tear-stained cheeks
Why do I still cry?

Eyes swollen blurry red and
Still crying
My heart
Back in my chest
Stitches still healing
Bloody skin puckered
But the infection has been removed
A fixer-upper
Fixing her up
DIY

I pulled my heart out of its jar home
The discarded pieces of myself
I keep finding more along the way
Hansel and Gretel breadcrumbs

Replace a valve here
Moth wings quickening
Stitched together there
Spider silk threads
I am my own seamstress
Thimbles are not needed
I do not mind bleeding for myself
But
Thimbles like kisses
Windows open like mine
That would be agreeable

So…
Why do I still cry?
Surgery hurts without anesthesia
Peeling back my skin
Cracking ribs to show off my broken but still beating heart

It struggles, fights in its new home
Caged but not enclosed
Never felt so free and safe
Behind those bone bars

My monster heart
Bolts and staples
Sutures and parts borrowed
An ugly beast
To most
It matters not
Only one needs to see it for what it is
Resilient strong
Furiously loving
Dreaming and trying and growing constant

All my fears plucked out like splinters
Like the wings off flies
I lay them out neatly
Hold them in my bear and bloody hands

And you…
You exhale
Blowing them all to the wind
Like dandelion wishes

So…
Why do I still cry?

I was looking for home in all the wrong places
And then…
I found you

His words becoming only an echo
Slow fade
distance
Push past back
Further
And further

“This is all you will ever be, Amberley.”

Oh yeah?

Fucking watch me

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14 thoughts on “my fears plucked”

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