bloggity blog, poetry

other than compulsion

Sometimes it’s difficult
Not to find the words
I have plenty of those
Words like compulsion, superfluous, vexatious

But it is difficult to find the focus
To find the thing I want to
Need to
Create about
And then only think of that

My mind is like my tongue
Not awkward like speaking
(Not in this simile anyway)
But in the worrying, nagging
Insistent way
Finding something that’s not quite right
And digging at it
But the mouth in my mind is full of “not quite right”s

I’m writing this in green ink
Just to prove to myself I can
Just to show myself it is okay

If I wrote about all the intrusive thoughts
This poem would be a mess
A jumble muddle fuddle puddle
In a bottle, with a paddle, on a noodle eating poodle
A noodle that is eating a poodle sounds terrifying

If I wrote it this way
You would all be in it
Played out conversations in my brain
Rewind, press play
Rewatching over and over
Not all conversations are bad
Sometimes my mind is kind to me
Churning over pleasantries and laughter

Is everyone like this?
In some way, at least?
Have you ever seen a spider’s web when the spider is on LSD?
It’s a thing
Beautiful but terrible
Messy.
Jittery jumping arachnid anarchy

Somethings I let slide
The order I eat things on my plate
Spreads all the way to the edge of my bread, no lines please
The notebooks
The pens
The teaspoons
These excusable obsessions

*sigh*

Sometimes it is difficult
To find words other than
Compulsion, superfluous, vexatious

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2 thoughts on “other than compulsion”

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