bloggity blog, poetry

through this year

“Good bye” the last words spoken. My past me left behind in a haze of cigarette ash, cruel words and bloody feathers strewn. Sworn to myself it would be the last last time. I gave you too many finalities. I gave you too many second chances, second thoughts. You gave me too many “I’ll never do it again”s. Too many bandaid promises.

Foot on pedal. Pressure and acceleration never felt so good. Escape was my happily ever after. The end of that story. I slammed that book shut tight. Pages on fire. You still holding the match. The flame’s reflection in your eyes, flickering, looking an awful lot like madness.

I’m gonna make it through this year if it kills me. The anthem we sang as we put distance between the car and our past. I was worried I may miss you like I did before. Miss the taste of poison apples. But blood does not miss the leech which feeds off it. Water torture drip, you sent me insane.

I wonder if in an alternate universe past me still sits on that floor. Blinded eyes. Ash on her fingertips. Her own blood under her nails from the wings you hacked off. I hope not. I hope I escaped all of the yous in all of the universes. You may have removed my wings but maybe I don’t need them to fly after all.

Escape was my happily ever after. Now my new story is just beginning. Fresh pages. Ink still drying. I made it through this year. The old me is dead, slaughtered. My cleaver drips with my own blood. And it was worth killing her if it meant destroying us. It was worth killing her if it meant giving life to hope and happiness.

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6 thoughts on “through this year”

  1. One of my favorite lyrics is… “I remain in shadows growing wings”… The Nephilim… by AFI… this was beautiful… the thing about angels is that one day… those wings will grow back… bigger… stronger… and full of life… hugs…

    Liked by 1 person

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