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my fictional you – a response to myself

I once said that I felt you close
That while you were hidden
You were perfect
Like the blank space nothings
Between music notes

I once said you were like a phantom limb
Mine to never have
While wolf’s fur clouds blocked out the sun
And science was the only thing that made sense

I once only believed in poison apples
No love stories here
I was more Oogie Boogie than Sally
More bugs than girl
I asked for proof

I once worried I wouldn’t recognise you
If I ever found you at all

I once wrote a spell calling to you
Never expecting you to answer
I said you would slay me
That I would die happily
Witchcraft and full moon eyes
I said I was no longer scared of you

I once said we were star crossed
Bound by time or fate or destiny

Once, I said so many things

The last time I wrote for you, the fictional you
I said I would love anyway
The very next day
I wrote for you
The not so fictional you
For the first time…

I still believe the you are perfect
I still miss you like a phantom limb
I am still more bugs than girl
But I recognised you…
You came when I called for you
And I still die happily

We may be bound by time, star crossed
But one thing is different
You are fictional no more
And I am still not scared of you

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