In the forest, by the stream, is where I fell in love for the first time
I hate the term “the one that got away” because a boy is not a fish
We spoke on phones with cords
Respectively sitting by walls, wrapping spirals around our fingers
I still remember his laughter in my ears like a bird song sung only for me
If anyone asked, and I answered, we were just friends
If anyone asked, and I answered honestly, I would say we were meant to be
He was the boy that brought a towel to school on towel day
He was the boy that called himself Barry simply because it was not his name
He was my boy, not a fish, who I could not wait for
Patience was not yet my virtue
I still remember the way his arms wrapped around me
Breaking out of the hug first is something neither of us wanted to do
“You hang up first.” “No, you hang up first.”
Wrapped up in arms, and spiral cords, and book pages, and silly nonsense
I still miss being wrapped up in him
He needed time, heart freshly broken
I wanted love, in any form
A dragon came along, promising a cave of treasures and I followed into his den of lies
My boy, not a fish.
catch and release.
Life moves forward, a stream passing
The boy, not mine, lived around the corner the whole time and I did not know
the same, edges matching
able to fit perfectly, but never possible
Fish in the same stream
maybe one day we will meet again…
PS Well, this was part story, part poem… All true. I did recently find out that this boy, obs now a man, literally lived in the next street over from me for the last 12 years and we never once ran into each other. We never dated but we were friends for years, dating other people but always remaining close, besties before that was even a word. I always thought we would work our shit out but it didn’t happen. One of us was always either with someone or getting over someone. We were just kids and being “with someone” was rarely more than stolen kisses and held hands. Once me and GD got together, I was no longer allowed to speak with Barry and, for some reason, I allowed that to happen.
I don’t know what made me think about him tonight. Maybe because I was thinking about patience. About how important it is in relationships. About how rushing things can harm the relationship. Patience with each other, giving one another time to heal and giving lenience for old wounds. Patience with the situation and just relaxing and enjoying the journey. Patience and compassion for one another and trying your hardest to get out of your own head and into the other person’s shoes.
He was the boy I told my past self I should have kissed. But looking back, I was trying to let him make that first move because he was the one with the broken heart. But I wasn’t willing to wait long enough.
I have often hated on love on my blog, but I do not hate love. I am loving on love tonight. I believe in love. Some of us get it, some of us don’t. But if we do find it, we shouldn’t take it for granted, or hold on too tight, or walk away. Love is like a bug in a jar (stay with me here) You need to keep it close but let it breathe. If you leave it alone it can die. CONSTANT VIGILANCE … sorry… random Harry Potter reference because this post is way too heavy…