Being on the p-hone to each other, we decided to interview as a team, in tuxedos. Actually, Lemons is totes in her Panda PJs. Lady is always in a tuxedo. She sleeps in a tuxedo. She showers in a tuxedo. She is a neva naked, she doesn’t believe in it.
We have been nommed by the super fantastical, mega galactical, Erroneous Princess Pants for the Mystery Blogger award.
Us, pirate bitches don’t stick to the rules and refuse to nom peeps for awards. But we will gladly answer these questions three…
Questions for you all. Hmm. (After you’ve told us three things about you)
1. What makes you write?
Our hands guided by the voices in our heads… also pizza I can’t eat pizza also cupcakes
2. How long have you been blogging? Writing?
Lady: in 1904, the tender age of 16
3. What makes you blog?
We are starved for attention and have Daddy issues.
We have also decided to nom ourselves for the sunshine blogger award from the bitch with a booty that don’t quit, Ward Voldemort.
1) How many magentas is Steve?
2) If you could go do anything you wanted, can I stay at your house?
If you sleep in the bathtub but you have to bring a single blue balloon with orange polka dots or no deal. That’s jarring…
3) Vacuum cleaners, am I right?
Lady: this questions is filthy and I refuse to answer it.
Lemons: I know right.
4) Have you ever hired a prostitute to paint your shed?
Lady: you wouldn’t stick your head up a bulls ass without taking a butchers word for it.
Lemons: Actually, I have had a prostitute help me dry wall my garage before. True story, bro.
5) Talk like a pirate. Please?
Lady: Don’t threaten me with a good time.
Lemons: It’s Muffins’ shout. Release the mother fuckin Kraken.
6) What the hell is that?
It was a one eyed one horned flying purple people eater.
7) If a train leaves Boston going west at 60MPH/KPH, and another train leaves Los Angeles going east at 75MPH/KPH, who cares?
8) You gonna finish that burrito?
Lady: Are you gonna finish that email
Lemons: hands half of it to Muffins
9) Without looking, what color are your underpants?
Lemons: Black like my soul
10) If you said you’re not wearing any, can I stay at your house?
Lady: can you fucking build your house already and call me home it’s fucking freezing outside and I don’t have any shoes on and I’m scared of this mower of lawn, he keeps looking at me funny.
11) What is it about me that makes people just, you know, I mean… ugh?
Lady: grow the fuck up, Fucker. Stop being a princess and make me breakfast. Also, Lush is having a sale on bath bombs. Bring your black American Express, it’s about to get pricey. Oh also, I when you pick me up can you make sure to stop at Starbucks. I would like a grande iced coffee with pumps pumpkin, one pump cinnamon dolce, extra ice and almond milk. Can we stop at Sephora, too.
Lemons: Ditto. But make mine a salted caramel latte. Please and thank you. Except for the “fucker” part. You are my tin foil knight.