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the tooth fairy and other beautiful lies

The past few days have been weird for me… who the fuck am I kidding, this entire year has been bananas. But with peeps in my life being sick, war time and my growing coffee addiction, sleep has been an untamable bitch.

After a particularly long and trying day of life-ing, I get home and start making dinner. I also still have to walk. I want a coffee. I want a wine. I want sleep. What do I get? A tooth.

My youngest has lost a tooth and hands it to me, bloody and flesh encrusted, in a baggy like the creepiest and cutest drug dealer ever.

“I pulled it out while I was pooping,” he says… Because I must’ve looked like I needed these details in my life.

Side note: I don’t do teeth. Wobbly teeth creep me the fuck out. Teeth should stay in your mouth. I just… I can’t even… *shivers* Teeth and I are not friends.

Son number two proceeds to describe, in detail, the hows and whys and wheres of the teeth pulling pooping process while I cook and walk and try to curb my urge to yak in the Napoletana sauce.

Then he gasps. “This means the tooth fairy will come tonight!” I smile and nod, doing a quick mental check of my current cash, I should be able to find a gold coin somewhere.

Behind him, my eldest has seen the panic on my face and waves to get my attention. He points to his own money box, indicating that if I don’t have the money he can lend me some.

This is a perfect way to some up my family. My youngest living in a beautiful fairy tale, my eldest with his head screwed firmly in place and me… barely holding my fucking shit together.

Bed time finally comes and I crash hard. I wake up sporadically through the night… check an email… send a message… listen to some ASMR… fight off nightmares… but I actually managed to get a solid almost 6 hours which is pretty good for me.

Then, I’m in bed, writing and coffeeing before I have to take the kids out when son number two bursts in. Tears. All of them. Bloody tooth bag clutched in his shaking fist.

Swear words. All of the fucking swear words. (in my head of course)

“She didn’t come! I went to sleep and everything! I promise! What did I do wrong?!”

Fuck…

And it washes over me… that feeling of loss… a change in the air. I pick up my shotgun and aim it straight for the tooth fairy and her beautiful gossamer wings. Blam.

I explain to my youngest.

He cries.

I cry.

He asks questions.

I hand him five bucks.

We love lies. We love the fairy tale of them. We want to believe in things that are not possible or are not real or could never be. It is only once the lies are removed and we see the truth for what it is… that is when it hurts.

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120 thoughts on “the tooth fairy and other beautiful lies”

      1. Lol like snow white… where she is abused and then dies and is woken up by royalty with necrophilia or like the little mermaid were she basical sells her soul for some rando she just met who loves someone else or lol I’ll stop there… bahahahaha I meant the tooth fairy. So my son doesn’t cry. FYI how good are the old versions of fairytales?

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      2. As an aside, as an adult watching little mermaid when she’s all ,” I’m 16 years old! I’m not a child anymore!” I’m all like BITCH YES YOU ARE! YOU GET BACK HERE AND LEARN HOW TO TALK TO YOUR FATHER, YOUNG LADY!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yes but did you give up your fins for a man?!

        I’d never do that. My fin is mine 4 life!

        (I actually have a mermaid fin blanket. True story.)

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Err… yeah… I kinda did. Walking on swords for him. Gave up my voice. Yep that is what happened… now I have turned to seafoam and floated up into the sky… yep. All fits. Fuck. I am mother fucking ariel! Red hair and everything!
        Oh, I want one of those…

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      5. Listen the song I’ll make a man out of you is a TREASURE!

        You must be swift as a coursing river
        With all the force of a great typhoon
        With all the strength of a raging fire
        Mysterious as the dark side of the mooooonnnn

        Liked by 1 person

      6. And so I’ll read a book, if I have time to spare, I’ll paint the walls some more, I’m sure there’s room somewhere, and then I’ll brush and brush and brush and brush my hair stuck in the same place I’ve always been 😞

        Liked by 1 person

  1. “hands it to me, bloody and flesh encrusted, in a baggy like the creepiest and cutest drug dealer ever.”

    That line belongs in a book somewhere.

    So telling your daughter “the tooth fairy was really busy last night, she sent us an email and said she’s got a back log of teeth she needs to catch up on. She said she’ll be in tonight thought” wouldn’t fly? Because…I mean…I totally have never done that once or twice or ever.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks!
      Bahahahahaha depends on the age of your daughter? Maybe… I considered doing that sort of thing, but … my son is 10. I felt it was time. And I thought maybe the truth would hurt less. I may have been wrong but I felt like the bandaid was already tearing off so I thought I’d just do it.

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  2. Ah, the loss of innocence… except with the big three, which is a gaining of wisdom as far as I’m concerned. Tooth Fairy, Santa and Jesus… they’re all actually your parents.

    Oops, I meant Easter Bunny. 😉

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    1. It is gaining wisdom…but… You should’ve seen his little face, Muffins… (broken heart emoji)
      Oh, Jesus was the first to get the bullet here. A long time ago. I’ll tell you that story one day… fucking religion…
      The next to get it was the Easter bunny. But they both figured that one out. Now the tooth fairy… Next is Santa. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

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