You know what I fucking hate? Judging. Judgey McJudges that think they know better. They all seem to speak in that condescending tone… you know the ones… and if you don’t, then you may be one.
Now, common sense dictates that I do not mean when we judge someone for doing something genuinely shitty. See past “When I am Empress” posts if you are unsure what I mean by this.
I mean, simply judging someone because their ways don’t match up to your delicate fucking sensibilities.
This happens A LOT when you are hanging out with other parents. If you are not a parent and have no plans to be, then feel free to tap out now. This is basically “breeder centric” but, if you like hearing me bitch about fuckwits, then you can hang around. But I guess “non-breeders” can judge parents too… on second thought, stick round, this applies to you too.
I associate with a lot of parents. I say “associate” because I am not exactly “friends” with all of them. Most of them actually. And you know what I have found? It is fucking shocking. Hold onto your fucking hats, peeps.
We all raise our kids differently.
Gasp! Shock horror! Holy flying spaghetti monster, Batman!
So, if you feel the need to, not only judge (because sometimes judgement happens in our mind) but actually complain because Cathy feeds her children meat, or fucking Stacey over there doesn’t teach the words of Jesus, or poor bloody Natasha, “Did you hear your son say ‘fricken awesome’ when they were watching that documentary. That offends me.” Or Eric! “Eric, you should be giving your children a complete breakfast, instead of just that cereal.”
Unless you are worried about a child’s safety (ie: abuse) or the person has actually asked for your ugly opinion, keep it to your damn self.
Being a parent is fucking hard. There is no manual. And we all doubt ourselves at one (thousand) point, so don’t be a pork sword. Be supportive of one another! It is hard enough as it is to deal with life, deal with our own heads, deal with family, deal with raising kids, without some holier-than-thou cunt yelling at you because your child’s lunch doesn’t include all five fucking food groups.
This also applies to your older kids or Grandchildren. Just because these humans came out of your body, doesn’t give you the right to judge and pass judgement. Do not make people feel guilty for something that is not actually mortally or mentally or physically damaging to themselves or someone else. For example, if you think your daughter should be put her kids in the bath after a long day, even though they are not particularly dirty and she is exhausted… just let her be the parent. She is doing her best and the kids will survive if they miss a bath.
Now, a word to parents.
If you are not a raging alcoholic or drug addict and your parenting styles fit into the 10 rules of humaning, then you are fine.
If your child/ren is/are happy, healthy, doesn’t say fuck/cunt/shit/cock/cock sucker/mother fucker/ass muncher/dick head/twat/racial slurs on a regular basis, doesn’t hurt animals or people, doesn’t pick on other children, avoids drugs, plays outside every now and then, can read and write eventually, eats a vegetable at least once a week, really any of these things then you are winning and you have done a bang up job. Go you! Congratu-fucking-lations! *pats parent on back. Gives them a cuddle*
Now, on to sentencing.
If you are one of these Judgey McJudgingtons, when I am Empress, you will be sentenced to death. KIDDING! I think for first offenders, you will be sentenced to humaning classes and weekend house duties in the homes of your victims’. Yep. You’ll be washing Stacey’s fucking dishes. Because reasons.
Repeat offenders, depending on the account of judging, will face a term on Dickmuncher island. There will have to be trials.
My loyal citizens of the Lemon Empire, be kind to one another. It’s really not that fucking hard. Be supportive. If you see a parent having trouble, ask if they need help, ask if they are ok, don’t give them your two cents. They don’t want your fucking two cents! What the fuck are they gonna do with it?
Love each other, for fuck sake.