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Not today

I browsed through my notebooks this afternoon, hair still wet from the pool. I wanted to post a poem I had written.

*shakes head

Sensible Amberley tells me, sternly and without wiggle room, “No.”

I look for it anyway. Found it and read through the poem.

I have read it so many times.

There are notes in the margins. Tears and tears on the page.

My fingers still tremble when I read it.

The first poem I ever wrote.

The first poem Amberley ever wrote.

It is not a nice poem… none of the first ones are.

Today is not the day. Tomorrow will not be either.

Maybe, when my fingers do not tremble to read the ugly words I scrawled in this room… in this room when it was a lot darker than today… when my fingers stay firm, straight, strong, unflinching. That’s the day I will post it.

But today is a good day. I do not wish to stain this day with tears that are always waiting to be shed.

These days, I am a full water balloon. One touch and I burst.

I apologise if I wet you. My emotions are everywhere. Sometimes, I am too much. Sometimes, I am too annoying, too emotional, too clingy…

I hate that… clingy. What arsehole came up with “too clingy?” What? Do you not like someone loving you?

Lol

The oven dinged so I have to go adult.

*sniffs air

Yum…

Love

Amberley

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43 thoughts on “Not today”

  1. I enjoyed your whimsical and not so whimsical post, and there was no “First ever poem”, that’s a hurdy-gurdy humbug. I was going to celebrate with this glass of red wine here, hehe, don’t worry I’ll slurp it down any way !! And we must be nearly twins, I’m also a full water balloon. One touch and I burst. and I’m thoroughly over- “clingy”. I actually buy tissues, a pallet load at a time, and I don’t have any carpet in my house, a waste of time, I’d be forever having to pull up the tear flooded flooring…… as I lift my glass of red-ned, here’s cheers big-ears, and down the hatch.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Same goes big nose! Have a glass for me please.
      Lol you’re funny.
      It was the first poem I wrote in my new life… and I seriously was going to post it but I just couldn’t bring myself to type the bastard out. It was pain that I did not feel like reliving today.
      Tiles are a good thing to have for people like us…

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Hi Amberley, I’m in for a pleasant day, off to Ballarat this afternoon, to watch my niece sing in a concert tonight, and catching up with my brother and sister for dinner as well.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. My kids, yes. They don’t go to public school anymore. We do some outaide classes and groups but the bulk of their education comes from me.
        I’m not a religious nut or anything…

        Like

  2. Woman! You touch me so LemonLovely! I’m feeling deeply for this. One day when the lemonade that was forked in that poem will be just the art itself. You will be too far gone into the light to affected by it. But you can always remember what pieced you together this way because you’re wonderful! And the NOW of your in between is all that matters. 😘

    Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Melon princess xxx
      Wait… which poignant?

      “poignant”

      ˈpɔɪnjənt/

      adjective

      evoking a keen sense of sadness or regret.

      “a poignant reminder of the passing of time”

      synonyms:touching, moving, sad, saddening, affecting, pitiful, piteous, pitiable, pathetic, sorrowful, mournful, tearful, wretched, miserable, bitter, painful, distressing, disturbing, heart-rending, heartbreaking, tear-jerking, plaintive, upsetting, tragic

      “the father of the murder victim bade a poignant farewell to his son”

      archaic

      sharp or pungent in taste or smell.

      “the poignant scent of her powder”

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The feelings you have are yours, and there’s no need to share them. But, I dont mind “getting wet” on occasion for friends. I’m not above wetting others.
    I’m sorry… This sounds like… *heehee*
    I’ll say, bleed! I bleed. Others bleed. We all have bad days that can last years. Some things take time to just become words on a page.
    What was in the oven?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lol
      I thought about that when I wrote it and then … meh…
      It is funny that “I bleed” sounds more socially acceptable than “I get wet” bahahshshshahahshshs
      I’m gonna stop typing the things now…
      Nothing exciting yesterday. The kids voted for chips (fries?) And nuggets. I didn’t end up eating any. I had left over lunch instead.
      We try to have our “dinner” meal at lunch time and then have a light meal at dinner time…
      Thank you for letting me wet you…
      *sniggers

      Liked by 2 people

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