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Australia is like Melisandre’s snatch

I’m Australian. Like, as in, I was born here. Blood-nationality (if there even really is such a random notion) I’m like a slow-cooked stew. But that is not at all what I wanna talk about today. actually I don’t really wanna talk about anything. (But here we are …)

Why don’t I want to do anything?

Cause it is fucking hot here!

Australia is like sitting under Vulcan’s ballsack. (The Roman god of fire not the Trekkie kind)

Australia is like Mordor in the Summer time.

Australia is like Melisandre’s snatch.

Australia is like a giant  bowl of boiling chili. It is hot. Like “hot” hot. Like “fuck off” hot. Like “we have pulled all of our mattresses out into the only A/Ced room” hot. (See the heat is making me WAY more vulgar than I normally am.)

It was 47C here the other day. That is 117F…

If all you lovely Americans, having your snow storms up there, could please send some our way? I would super appreciate that.

Please and thank you.

That’s all I came here to say toady.

No life lessons.

No shiny pearls of fucking wisdom.

Just me bitching because I have to walk around in clothing and I can’t just get around topless like blokes can. And complaining that I am currently using antiperspirant in my bra as well as my armpits because boob sweat is a real problem and it’s super gross.

Now, I’m gonna leave you with that image and go pass out in the lounge room and day dream about winter.

PS Please feel free to tag me or send me picks of your snow. I just wanna look at and imagine I’m rolling around in it. Thanks



Oh and I will leave the google link for Hot Australia here because they were fucking hilarious and I couldn’t put them all here…


40 thoughts on “Australia is like Melisandre’s snatch”

  1. It’s cooled down here in Geelong 12’C tonight, . Oh I don’t watch a lot of TV, and had to google and look up all the images Melisandre, couldn’t find a snatch one, but I see she’s a ruby redhead, so I now under …..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. haha… Yeah… I live in Texas… my summer was shitty too… but we have AC every where so yeah… want some salt for the wound?… I work in a cooler… also boob sweat is an issue… they should make special bras for that… a cooling bra?… my wife complains about the same thing…

    Liked by 2 people

      1. We had one this year.. the first in a long ass time… I’m not from here so every body was super hyped… I’m from all over, but I have spent most of my life in the cold… the furthest south I have been is Panama… so almost middle…

        Liked by 2 people

      2. It doesn’t snow much if at all… though we might get some on Tuesday and people are already freaking out… I can’t stress… might… enough… haha… they act like they might get snowed in… but I do love how crisp the air is when it is naturally cold… so nice… have you seen the movie The Ice Storm (1997)?… It contains a great monologue about cold air… pretty good movie too…

        Liked by 1 person

      3. We just get spit on down here! We never get actual cold with the actual winter Wonderland. I felt cheated when the temps dropped below freezing and there was no white! 🙅

        If it’s forking going to be that cold… better forking be some white!!!!

        Nothing… (*sighs*). Still… I’m hopeful. 😑

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t like the Kardashians… lol I used to use a VPN to get US Netflix cause there is sooo much more variety but Netflix caught on. There is a lot of Aussie shows on the Aus Netflix but I don’t watch them because I have seen them all.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. haha… I don’t like them either… I don’t know any Aussie shows… Only the movies… Okay… fun debate… does Mad Max Fury Road take place in Australia or off the coast of Australia?… Because there is no water… oil can be found on the ocean floor… and all he does is travel…

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Oh… I’d totally forgotten it was even meant to be set in a distopian Australia.
        I’d say it is. Australia is pretty damn big and, as it is now, you could drive for ages without finding water so it is very plausible. I might have to watch it again.
        It was meant to just follow on from the others so it would be silly to not occur in Australia.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Agreeable… but if there is no water/ ocean… what defines Australia?… It’s an interesting fan theory because all the major cities are on the coast… Why would Max drive to the center of Australia looking for water?… Such an amazing film…

        Liked by 2 people

      1. Did an aussie make it for you? It has to be made properly. It is also an acquired taste but I see it all the time with people trying it for the first time and they spread it like it was peanut butter… 😝


  3. You are so witty! Lol! Thing about the heat… forces your inner demons out! In Texas it doesn’t have to be that hot for the sun to say “Fork you!” I’m thinking the sun thrives on forking us Texans. I feel like it is so close to us that it freaking scares me. How can you feel the sting of the sun even when it’s cold? You can… in Texas.

    Hugs! Wishing you cooler days! Not cooler ways… you can’t get any more cooler as a person than you already are! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol thank you!
      The heat is my enemy… so are flies…
      The sun is so bitey! You can’t stand in it too long at all.
      I remember Sumner days where I would spend the entire day sunning myself in a bikini… I can’t imagine doing that now. The sun hurts. The sun has fangs and claws and spikes… Texas sounds like Aus lol
      Every day is a day closer to winter…

      Liked by 1 person

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