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Still Breathing

The thing about hitting rock bottom is that you never really know when you are there until you start to build up from it. Or until you are away from it.

You can assume that “it couldn’t get any worse,” but these words are often folly and should be treated in the same way as “Lord Voldemort,” (For the muggles – don’t fucking say it out loud)

Sometimes we find ourselves so broken we do not know what to do, where do we go from whatever shit-heap life has dolloped on us. But that is the thing about “Rock Bottom” is it can be a perfectly solid foundation on which we can rebuild ourselves.

And quiet often people get stuck here, in this mental and emotional wastelands that is Rock Bottom. We become so afraid to continue on, so afraid to live, that we get stuck floundering.

Rock Bottom is sort of like a basement/dead-end-town. Sometimes we have to go down there, forced to tip-toe down the creaky steps, breathing in the putrid, mouldy air, but it is not good for us to make a bed down there and exist down there. It is not living. We become hollowed out and empty.

Residency in Rock Bottom should be short lived, if possible. But, if you find yourself there, building your life back up should start immediately. The building process doesn’t need to be quick. Slow and precise is probably preferable. As long as there is some upwards movement, some growth, some positive change.

If you aren’t the building type, in Rock Bottom there is this place, kind of like a lookout. But from there you can actually see a great deal – often both bad and good. You can actually jump from this place. This is the only way to get to the good things you can see in the distance. The problem is that there is no concrete guarantee that you will land with the good.

And to take this leap you have to have a certain amount of faith. This faith does not have to be in God or gods or the universe or The Flying Spaghetti Monster. It can be in yourself. Failing all of those options, it could be faith in your desperation to get the fuck out of Rock Bottom.

I know I am rambling. Forgive me and please understand that this is as much for my own healing than it is to spread some sort of hope to the people.

I read a really good article by EC Myers on TerribleMinds and that is to do with Dystopian worlds and how they are a mirror of the way our current world is travelling. And it made me think of all this stuff.

We are often trying to do so much for the greater good or for others that we fo not take the time to look at our own stuff. Or we are so caught up in Rock Bottom that we forget about the big crazy world around us.

Both are provlems but they are fixable and the strategies are sort of the same.

Pick a goal. Head for that goal. Stop for nothing.

Choose small, easy to reach goals and then once you have completed that goal then pick another.

If your goal is to “become a rich and famous author,” that’s a fucking hard goal. Start small. “I’m going to write a book. I’m going to write said book 500 words at a time.”

Or, if you are new to Rock Bottom, you could start smaller. “I’m going to get out of bed today.” “I am going to take a shower today.” “I will eat something other than coffee or rum or chocolate … maybe not instead of but as well as.”

My psychologist had set the goal for me to “get my life back on track.” I told her, “first, I need to build a track because I fear that I never really had one.” And if I did have a track then it was one of those ones that kids play with, you know, the wooden ones that click together.

If you made it this far, (congrats and thank you!) then you may be as broken as I am. If you are, you are not alone. Remember that broken bones heal, broken people heal, it is possible to come back from Rock Bottom stronger than you were before.

Just remember, you are still breathing.

Love,

Amberley.

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21 thoughts on “Still Breathing”

    1. Thank you, Mr C. It was one of those posts that made me really emotional and once I published I wasn’t sure if my emotion really carried through and I kinda wished I could chop it down cause it was so long… but it is what it is. xxx

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It bled well. We all have our moments, but I keep perspective by reading other people’s stories and realizing that mine isn’t that bad at the end of the day (Thursday).

        Liked by 2 people

      2. LOL Writing is good or bad, but my problems dont seem so bad when I’m reading that someone else is sick or had a broken spleen or their house burned down.

        Liked by 2 people

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